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What if I did do something not right in terms of righteous courage? (6) I can only speak truths 後記
18-Feb-2011
這一系列What if I did do something not right in terms of righteous courage貼文，給人沉重的感覺，不過，這些都是我生命中實實在在發生的事實。我想紀錄的，是我生命中活過的真實，所有的快樂、喜悅、感動、驚歎、景仰、追尋、探索、懷疑、哀傷、失望、驚嚇、創傷、憤怒、退縮、怨懟、衝突、掙扎等等經驗，都會如實記下來。唯有如此，才會感覺到自己是有血有肉有情的人，感覺到自己的完整。也因為記下了這些，我才會覺得自己跟過去告別了，準備好進入生命的下一階段旅程。
大約十七、八年前左右吧，閱讀泰國有名的禪師阿姜查尊者的傳記。記得當中提到，阿姜查尊者年輕修行時，曾經遇到一位女子而動情。他的弟子認為這部分有損明師（名師）聲譽和形象，應該刪除，不要放入傳記中出版。他們前來徵詢他的意見，阿姜查尊者回應說：「這是我修行過程中很真實的經歷，不需要刪除。」當時讀到此段記載時，當下立刻對阿姜查尊者起了無比的尊敬崇仰之心。我心目中的明師大師，正是這種不需要為自己妝扮粉飾完美形象的師父。
再來是約十一年前左右吧，當時台北有個西藏佛教文物展覽，當中簡介了歷代達賴喇嘛的事蹟。記得最震撼我心的是，那內容寫說第六世達賴喇嘛倉央嘉措是有名的詩人，擅寫情詩。我當下想著，這是怎麼樣的一個修道系統啊，以致於他們能夠這麼健康而不避諱地寫出這樣的介紹受人尊崇的達賴喇嘛呢？（可參見第十四世達賴喇嘛官方國際華文網站的介紹，有不同的表達。 http://www.dalailamaworld.com/topic.php?t=125 ）
我一直認為人來到這世間是來學習的，不完美是正常的也是自然的。有血有肉有情是真實的，佛經中不就是稱眾生為有情嗎。如果忽視了人與生俱來的有血有肉有情這個基本又抹滅不掉的事實，想要契入修行之門，就不過還是在邊門繞著罷了。
儘管我認為不完美是自然的，但是我相當尊重人的隱私，除非當事人同意，否則不會將真實名字寫出來。Deepak是我共同生活的伴侶，也因此我大半的生命經歷和他有關。特別是親密關係中的互動，完全無所遁形，在我的自我探索中，這些也一一如實記下。幸好Deepak是一位如其所是活著的老師，不需要我為他築起完美的形象，正因為如此，儘管我走過質疑與失望，卻從來沒有失去對他的景仰與尊敬。雖然他總自嘲自己只是個cowboy，哪裡懂什麼修行，他只是協助人們踏實地活在現實中，怎麼在現實生活中實際的安頓自己，可是我接觸到的他，卻總感受到正因為他的實際歷練而有的生命深度，那是個永遠探之不盡的智慧寶藏。我總是在與他的談話中，得到諸多啟發，也在聆聽他與友人的閒談或在他的教學與個案中，有著數不盡的收穫。
謝謝Jull捎來的問候與祝福：
「今天讀了妳的update...
有點孤獨有點哀傷的閃爍著
感動卻隱隱發酵
是啊...
在大海般的人生中仍不忘探尋未知吧？
希望妳跟Deepak一同創造好多美好的時光又身體健康的旅程...
若有緣，希望能再與你們學習好多
幫我跟笑聲清亮的Veetnisha及爽朗的Deepak說聲 日日快樂 :P」
當我決定與Deepak一起到印度時，我的生命又是另一個轉折，也是向舊有生命階段說再見的時候。雖然我不知道在我眼前的未來會是什麼，但是決定下了之後，所有的未知都成了我可以隨遇而安的探險。
Time to say goodbye, to countries I never saw and shared with you,
now, yes, I shall experience them,
I'll go with you.
I'll go with you on ships across seas which, I know, no, no, exist no longer; with you I shall re-experience them.
2011-02-18 於印度新德里
Time to say goodbye - Andrea Bocelli & Sara Brightman
[Sarah:]
Quando sono sola sogno all'orizzonte e mancan le parole, si lo so che non c'è luce in una stanza quando manca il sole, se non ci sei tu con me, con me. Su le finestre mostra a tutti il mio cuore che hai accesso, chiudi dentro me la luce che hai incontrato per strada. Time to say goodbye. Paesi che non ho mai veduto e vissuto con te, adesso si li vivrò. Con te partirò su navi per mari che, io lo so, no, no, non esistono più, it's time to say goodbye. [Andrea:] Quando sei lontana sogno all'orizzonte e mancan le parole, e io si lo so che sei con me con me, tu mia luna tu sei qui con me, mio sole tu sei qui, con me, con me, con me, con me. Time to say goodbye. Paesi che non ho mai veduto e vissuto con te, adesso sì li vivrò. Con te partirò su navi per mari che, io lo so, no, no, non esistono più, [Both:] con te io li rivivrò. Con te partirò su navi per mari che, io lo so, no, no, non esistono più, con te io li rivivrò. Con te partirò. Io con te |
When I'm alone
I dream on the horizon
and words fail;
yes, I know there is no light
in a room
where the sun is not there
if you are not with me.
At the windows
show everyone my heart
which you set alight;
enclose within me
the light you
encountered on the street.
Time to say goodbye,
to countries I never
saw and shared with you,
now, yes, I shall experience them,
I'll go with you
on ships across seas
which, I know,
no, no, exist no longer;
with you I shall experience them.
When you are far away
I dream on the horizon
and words fail,
and yes, I know
that you are with me;
you, my moon, are here with me,
my sun, you are here with me.
with me, with me, with me,
Time to say goodbye,
to countries I never
saw and shared with you,
now, yes, I shall experience them,
I'll go with you
on ships across seas
which, I know,
no, no, exist no longer;
with you I shall re-experience them.
I'll go with you
on ships across seas
which, I know,
no, no, exist no longer;
with you I shall re-experience them.
I'll go with you,
I with you.
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