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What if I did do something not right in terms of righteous courage? (3) Where have all the flowers gone
12-Nov-2010
下午傍晚時分和Deepak到海邊走走，談話中才知道，原來Deepak的世界一直是相當公開面對面地談，或挑戰，或對質過招的，從沒有過陰狠謀害的經驗，難怪這次他傷得如此之重。我因為曾經有過如此經驗，所以已經很清楚了解這種事情的性質，連要去戰鬥的心都沒有，只想避而遠之。
他是相當騎士精神，正正當當，絕不耍陰，這在這世間已經很少見了，很多時候這種人很容易成為殉道者吧。
14-Nov-2010
今天在網路上讀到被軟禁7年的翁山蘇姬獲釋的消息。
我想我就是那種沒有道德勇氣的人，也因此對於如是義無反顧堅持對抗到底的正義骨子人士，總有著無限的景仰。他們代表的真是相當震撼人心又很啟發人的精神。
11月12日寫給Deepak一封信。當我們之間有難以當面表達的情況時，特別我的英語又不佳，口語反應慢，我總是以寫信的方式溝通。這封信內文涉及我過去經驗中有關他人的部分，在此皆刪略。
Honini,
This letter I wrote first time was on Oct-23, then again Nov-10.
This afternoon after we had some walking on the beach, I knew a little more about you. Now I realized that it was your first time to experience this kind of sneaky dirty shit power trip. No wonder it was such a big huge tremendous shock to you. I thought you already had many experiences in the world. Like we said, business world and government world share the same characteristics of sneaky power trip instead of direct confrontation or war. So basically your world has been quite male direct confrontation. And basically all my experiences were just the female sneaky stab power trip.
Anyway, send you this letter, just to let you know some of my experiences in the past.
Love you always,
Your Honini,
MingYng
Nov-12, 2010
Ps. Honi, I wrote most of this letter on Oct 23, 2010. I added a little bit today after seeing the lawyer and after seeing you become depressed. Whatever you decide, you are always my honini.
Love you always,
Your honini,
MingYng
10-Nov-2010
My Dearest Beloved Honini,
It has been a rough long time for us to go through all the house situations and at the same time dealing with the compound people.
We both are incurable idealistic and romantic persons who still hope for something miracle like justice and fairness in the world. But we do it in very different ways. You would fight to expose or reveal the truth to get the justice or fairness done. I would go inside to deal with myself, after my experiences in the past.
……
…… The truth is that there is no such thing as justice and fairness in the reality world. People in power are the ones who always get what they want. They don’t care about other people’s life and feelings. Even they would say something very beautiful and wonderful slogans, that is just for covering their real intention.
……
... … I finally saw this truth.
I was very angry. I was really sad, broken-hearted. I could not accept this cruel truth at all. It was the most trauma I ever had in my whole life.
It took me quite a long time to go through or to recover, almost 4 years. And then, thanks for meditation in Myanmar. Just one week after I meditated in Myanmar, all the trauma and doubts about myself were gone. I was free again. …… But I will go on my life. I won’t waste my life on fighting the people in power anymore because whatever I do will never change them/the situation at all. People in power got the resources so they can do whatever they want. They are the laws. The people who won the battle wrote the history. If I don’t like/fit the energy of the group/community/compound etc, then I just leave. At least I can choose not to become part of them if nothing I can do to change the situation.
This time the compound people thing, I was angry. But I found out that inside of me there was/is no anger really. Some sadness, yes, out of disappointment, thinking that there might have been different this time. But I had the wrong hope, hoping that they would have been different somehow. The truth shows that they are on the power trip, nothing else. I should have known this better. …… It is universal about power trip. It has nothing to do with Osho people. And Osho talked in many varieties, so people who claim themselves as Osho sannyasins can take whatever they want from any part of Osho’s talks to fit into their needs or to justify what they have done.
……
(Fighting the people in power for justice and fairness) I had done that. I had been through that. And it is done with me. Once is enough. I don’t need to waste my energy and time to do all of this again. I have learned enough. I don’t have any illusion for justice and fairness any more. What I have been doing is to support you because you are my partner and also most important because I see your honesty, decency and honor. The more important, valuable and meaningful thing for me right now is to look after myself/yourself.
Nobody is going to look after you. Even you are accompanied by family or partner; you are the only one who can look after yourself. We came alone naked to this world since the first breath. We leave alone naked from this world with the last breath. Nothing you can take with you when you leave the body. Even if you finally got the justice and fairness done, you still have nothing to take with you in the last breath.
The only thing you can bring with you in the last breath is the emotion/thought you have at that moment. And you are the only one who decides what you would have at the last moment. If you have fear/anger/or whatever, then that is what emotion/thought you will get in that moment. I don’t know if fear/anger is what you want to experience at the last moment in life. For me I would choose to experience awareness/peacefulness/calmness/bliss/love (either) at the last moment of my life.
Please understand me. I am not preaching anything. I am not interested in preaching anything. And you are definitely not the one to be preached to. But I can share my experiences with you. All what I said is all from my experiences, including my observations.
What you decide is according to what your value is. From my experiences being with you for 6.5 years now, your behaviors show that your highest value is justice and fairness and honor. You have been fighting for it for all your life time. You never care about money. You could spend and devote 6 intensive months to search everything about that bad guy (and more than 2 years for searching information about other things similar to this) and wrote an article about it and published it. You never got anything beneficial for yourself to support your life from it. You knew that, and you still did it anyway. (But at least you didn’t get any harm or life threatening from that.)
This is just one example for how much motivation and passions you have for exposing injustice, unfairness, cheating etc to try to get justice done. And what you have been searching about conspiracy etc is the same story.
You don’t have any passion for making money. Money is never your care. But you have all the passion for fighting for justice. That’s your romantic idealism.
I totally accept the way you are. That is no problem to me. I have been accompanying you for all these years out of my respect for your honesty and decency and honor.
We both are too honest and too honorable without any diplomatic skills to deal with this dark sneaky dangerous situation. The way we did it up front is just making us martyrs. …… I don’t see how much possibility that we, both such undiplomatic persons, can get it done. The people in power are always the winner because they own the power. They are the law itself.
I would choose to look after myself. Just let it go. The more I invest to fight this dark energy, the more I get stuck here, and at the end I don’t get anything beneficial to support my life also.
I had done that. I have learned. I knew that already. Nobody can hurt me anymore through all this stuff. Even it looks like they took away everything we have, but they can never hurt me. They can never take away my freedom. They can never take away the truths I have seen and have experienced. They can never take away my power within. I am still in my center that I don’t get lost. I can always move on in life even I lose everything after this. I got to move on in life. I don’t want to get stuck here.
This is me. It is not you. I respect the way you are. If you do feel that your life needs to be devoted to fight for something idealistic otherwise you feel powerless, losing the meaning of life and feel depressed, and then I respect that also. You need to do your life your way. After all it is you living your life.
But I need to let you know. It is just not my thing. Thinking the way you are thinking, and doing things the way you are doing (I mean fighting the people in power with a sense of knowing that it would be useless) make me really exhausted and tired and going nowhere. I don’t feel any nourishment/peacefulness from this. And then I need more time and space to recuperate myself from that. Please understand me that I am not blaming. Really. Please. I am not saying things with blaming. I never complain about anything. I always respect the way you are. But I need to let you know my situation.
So out of my respect to the way you are, I have no objection to whatever you are going to do which makes you feel better and not feel powerless. If that would make you feel good and better and more alive, then I have no objection at all. If your life needs to be lived this way whatever it would cost you, go ahead. But I need to let you know that I myself cannot do it that way. I won’t stop you whatever you need to do to make you feel better and feel more meaningful. And anyway no one and nothing can stop you the way you are.
The lawyer says that idealism is very expensive. Yea, we all know that. That is how those people in power can get away from it. They have all the resources, so they can play the game they would never lose. We, the rest of us, got to take care of ourselves to survive. Well, that’s the reality world.
Perhaps just know that this righteous fighting for idealism would be always in your life wherever you go because you are such an individual that nobody is going to control you and you are such a romantic idealist with a strong sense of justice and fairness that you would be willing to fight to lose/destroy everything you have. So, just do whatever you want to do with a sense of knowing that it might cost you to lose/destroy everything you have. Whatever the result you get is just the price you pay for being true to yourself. I respect that always.
Honi, this is so far I can think of. Sorry if what I said bothers you. I really wish you all the best.
Again, wish you all the best.
And love you anyway and always.
Your Honini,
MingYng
Oct-23, 2010
Nov-10, 2010
13-Nov-2010
Deepak讀了我的信後，說：That is a very interesting letter. And it is very insightful. 我真受寵若驚，Deepak說insightful？
他說如果他是單獨一人的話，他會不計代價跟他們拼了，拼掉他的老命。
他覺得insightful的是，除了所有事件核心在於power之外，我還提到的是 What emotion/thought would you like to experience in the last moment of your life with the last breath?
他昨晚跟我道歉，說長久這一陣子以來讓我很辛苦。
然後今天下午他又說抱歉，他知道我跟他一起生活是需要忍受很多東西的。
其實，這些我真的沒那麼在意（事實上，他也要忍受我很多東西），那就是我和他的因緣如此而已。來到這世間，不就是要去經歷任何一切要去經歷的嗎。否則有著這個人身做什麼呢。
Where Have All The Flowers Gone – Pete Seeger
Where have all the flowers gone? Long time passing.
Where have all the flowers gone? Long time ago.
Where have all the flowers gone? Young girls picked them, ev'ry one.
Where have all the flowers gone? Young girls picked them, ev'ry one.
When will they ever learn? When will they ever learn?
Where have all the young girls gone? Long time passing.
Where have all the young girls gone? Long time passing.
Where have all the young girls gone? Long time ago.
Where have all the young girls gone? They are all in uniform
Where have all the young girls gone? They are all in uniform
When will they ever learn? When will they ever learn?
Where have all the young men gone? Long time passing.
Where have all the young men gone? Long time passing.
Where have all the young men gone? Long time ago.
Where have all the young men gone? Gone to soldiers ev'ry one.
Where have all the young men gone? Gone to soldiers ev'ry one.
When will they ever learn? When will they ever learn?
Where have all the soldiers gone? Long time passing.
Where have all the soldiers gone? Long time passing.
Where have all the soldiers gone? Long time ago.
Where have all the soldiers gone? Gone to graveyards, ev'ry one.
Where have all the soldiers gone? Gone to graveyards, ev'ry one.
When will they ever learn? When will they ever learn?
Where have all the graveyards gone? Long time passing.
Where have all the graveyards gone? Long time passing.
Where have all the graveyards gone? Long time ago.
Where have all the graveyards gone? Covered in flowers, ev'ry one.
Where have all the graveyards gone? Covered in flowers, ev'ry one.
When will they/we ever learn? When will they/we ever learn?
