My most dearest beloved one, Deepak

懷念Deepak


My most dearest beloved one, Deepak,

去年今日，您離開了人世間。

至今，我仍然無法表達內心的感受。

每每想起您，激動異常，淚水直流。有些因緣下，無意間談起了您最後的那些時日，總以為可以平靜的敘述，然而事實總是告訴我，原來我還是那麼激動著，淚水還是要流不停。

那天，朋友說快一年了吧。

是，2月24日滿一年。

朋友說，對年是要以農曆來算的喔。

喔，好。那我會誦經給Deepak。

那天，半夜上完課已經凌晨三點半了。唯恐自己一上床睡，就不知道幾點才會起來，怕太晚了，就接著開始進行。淨化空間，焚香祝禱，誦經持咒，回向祝福Deepak與一切法界眾生。

回向祝福結束，那麼一瞬間，突然心情開朗起來。

那麼久了，第一次覺得那一點點開心在沉重的生命中萌生，有種我今後會好好活著的感覺。

感謝您，我最最親愛的您，Deepak！

感謝您來到我生命中

感謝您陪伴我共同生活了十四年

感謝您以身示現我如何生活在世間

感謝您教導我如是珍貴的知識　永遠在我生命中流動

感謝您的智慧　如同光永遠指引著我

感謝您的慈愛　永遠溫暖我心

感謝您的幽默　如春風　為嚴肅緊繃的生活帶來舒緩愉悅

感謝您永遠將我放在您的心上　疼惜著我

附：2018年2月28日給Deepak的朋友與學生們的通知信

 "Deepak Dying Consciously"

Feb 28, 2018

Deepak Dying Consciously

Deepak left the body with consciousness the whole process.  He followed every word I said to him until he left the body.

Deepak was very sick in Goa India.  So much gratitude to Magno and Madita who had taken care of him while he stayed in Goa.  It was really hard time for Deepak.

He came back to Taiwan on Feb 14th.  I found him everything so slow, thinking that he was losing memory.  On Feb 17th, Deepak fell down, sent to Emergency in Wanfang Hospital.  It looked like stroke in every way.  But his hands and legs were still strong to lift up and move around, just slow response in words.  So he went through a lot of tests, finally the result showed that it was UTI (Urinary Tract Infection).  After IV anti-biotic, he woke up, very conscious and quick response, then I realized that he already got infection in Goa and he was not losing memory.

For further check what bacteria in urine and also check if any bacteria in blood, Deepak admitted to hospital on Feb 18th.  Later we know that the bacteria is E. coli, very common one.  He received IV anti-biotic every day and he was better and better with IV anti-biotic treatment.  Everything seemed so fine through days that he could even walk again with good balance on Feb 22nd.

Then Feb 23rd midnight early morning things changed.  All midnight till early morning Deepak moved a lot, suffered from lots of sweating and coldness.  I kept swiping the sweat for him to keep him some relief.  He had a bladder test 11:30 that morning.  Brian and Lorraine came to see Deepak.  I felt that Deepak might leave the body in one week.  I started staying with him all day all night, not going anywhere, just sometimes left for toilet.  I started sending loving-kindness to him, talking to him that how much I love him and will take good care of myself.

Feb 24th.  Things changed more faster.  That midnight to early morning he stopped eating and drinking.  I kept sending loving-kindness, reciting Medicine Buddha’s name, and praying.  When near noon time, he started having some sound from the throat, one of dying signs that one might leave the body in 24 hours to 48 hours. So I thought that Deepak might leave the body in 48 hours.  Hospital tried to do IV or some intrusive treatment, I told them that Deepak already signed up for no NG Tube, no Resuscitation, and no any intrusive treatment.

I continued sending loving-kindness, reciting Medicine Buddha’s name, and praying. Then all of sudden it came up to my mind, one technique of relaxation that Deepak taught in hypnosis. I say, “Every sound you hear takes you down to deep, deep, deep relaxation.”  Deepak immediately both hands relaxed and became so soft.  I kept saying this to him, with loving-kindness and praying in between. 

Now his body was so relaxed now.  And then suddenly it came up to my mind again that how one’s consciousness leaves the body.  Another one technique in hypnosis that Deepak taught came up this moment in my mind.  I say, “Every sound you hear takes you up, up, lighter, lighter, like a balloon lifting you up, up, up.”  Deepak immediately turned his eyes to me, looking into my eyes straight, then stopped there ever since, staring at me, no moving again.

Then his breathing became very regular rhythm slowly slowly in and out.  I kept sending loving-kindness to him with praying and balloon lifting up technique in between.  And then he stopped breathing.  I thought that was done.  Then he had a big last breath out with a big beautiful smile on his face.  I wanted to check his pulse, trying looking for this and that.  At that moment, his left hand lifted up in the air, holding up in the air.  Just when I wondered what he was doing, he slowly slowly putting down his left hand.  And at that moment, I saw clear pulse from the vein of his left hand, strong pulsing, then weaker and weaker, and then stopped.

Then the nurse came.  She went to get the doctor.  Doctor came to check and diagnosed that Deepak died at 13:47, Feb 24th, 2018.

Around 18:00, my shaman teacher, Seer, came to hospital to do the Great Death Rites for Deepak.

Deepak left the body with consciousness the whole process.  He followed every word I said to him.  On Feb 23rd, I thought that Deepak would still have had one week to go through the dying process.  Then on Feb 24th noon time, I thought that Deepak would still have had 2 days to go through the dying process.  But somehow he went through his dying process so smoothly, so quickly, and so peacefully.  Looks like he was so determined to leave the body once he made the decision, just like when he decided to quit smoking, he just quit from 58 years of smoking habit, no regret, no hesitation, no suffer.

I am so grateful that Deepak was in my life.  He teaches me so much in every way.  He was, is and will be always in my heart as a great teacher and a best dear friend so close to my heart.